But, people one on one are interesting and beautiful and fascinating and delicious. Just really wonderful. Sometimes they aren't. Sometimes they're miserable. But people in groups are so often miserable, that it's just incomparable.
But, some people are more interesting to me than others. Lately, the most interesting people have been feminine, genetically female, woman-shaped people. Which is humorous (but not problematic) considering that I'm married to a masculine, genetically male, man-shaped person. I have, in various instances, been attracted to all manner of people. And, more importantly, I don't think sexuality is or ought to be restricted to people that one feels a particular way about. There's a good amount of evidence suggesting that human sexuality plays its largest role in reinforcing social bonds--not necessarily specifically those of a mating pair. Our closest relatives, Bonobos, (and often not in complimentary ways) use sex as such a reinforcer, as currency, as reward, as punishment... Each of these can be seen in a single relationship in your given period rom dram. We did not build society in a vacuum of uniquely human behaviors. But we are also not subservient to biological essentials... be they the sexual binary variety or the Bonobo sex trade variety.
It is because of this that I use the term I use. That term is pomosexual. It's (maybe more than) half a joke to me because I'm so glad to mock postmodernism as a method of tearing apart the world and failing to do anything with it afterward. I've always considered myself a reconstructionist and not a deconstructionist. To simplify, though, I'm a Kinsey 3, if Kinsey's two-dimensional spectrum were more of a three-dimensional graph with gender identity as the other factor. But this is all theory. In practice, I just like people.
Now wait, that thing in your description says husband!?
Yes. I am married to a Kinsey zero who is all masculine. And he's super awesome and I adore him. That's just the way the cookie crumbles.
But let's change the tone here. I got really lucky. The person I choose to spend my life with is recognized as a valid person by my government. I get all manner of fantastic benefits in my place of employment and from financial and social policies.
In fact, if you'll forgive me using Wikipedia for the sake of efficiency, here's a list.
Right to benefits while married:
employment assistance and transitional services for spouses of members being separated from military service; continued commissary privileges
per diem payment to spouse for federal civil service employees when relocating
Indian Health Service care for spouses of Native Americans (in some circumstances)
sponsor husband/wife for immigration benefits
Larger benefits under some programs if married, including:
veteran's disability
Supplemental Security Income
disability payments for federal employees
medicaid
property tax exemption for homes of totally disabled veterans
income tax deductions, credits, rates exemption, and estimates
wages of an employee working for one's spouse are exempt from federal unemployment tax
Joint and family-related rights:
joint filing of bankruptcy permitted
joint parenting rights, such as access to children's school records
family visitation rights for the spouse and non-biological children, such as to visit a spouse in a hospital or prison
next-of-kin status for emergency medical decisions or filing wrongful death claims
custodial rights to children, shared property, child support, and alimony after divorce
domestic violence intervention
access to "family only" services, such as reduced rate memberships to clubs & organizations or residency in certain neighborhoods
Preferential hiring for spouses of veterans in government jobs
Tax-free transfer of property between spouses (including on death) and exemption from "due-on-sale" clauses.
Special consideration to spouses of citizens and resident aliens
Threats against spouses of various federal employees is a federal crime
Right to continue living on land purchased from spouse by National Park Service when easement granted to spouse
Court notice of probate proceedings
Domestic violence protection orders
Existing homestead lease continuation of rights
Regulation of condominium sales to owner-occupants exemption
Funeral and bereavement leave
Joint adoption and foster care
Joint tax filing
Insurance licenses, coverage, eligibility, and benefits organization of mutual benefits society
Legal status with stepchildren
Making spousal medical decisions
Spousal non-resident tuition deferential waiver
Permission to make funeral arrangements for a deceased spouse, including burial or cremation
Right of survivorship of custodial trust
Right to change surname upon marriage
Right to enter into prenuptial agreement
Right to inheritance of property
Spousal privilege in court cases (the marital confidences privilege and the spousal testimonial privilege)
For those divorced or widowed, the right to many of ex- or late spouse's benefits, including:
Social Security pension
veteran's pensions, indemnity compensation for service-connected deaths, medical care, and nursing home care, right to burial in veterans' cemeteries, educational assistance, and housing
survivor benefits for federal employees
survivor benefits for spouses of longshoremen, harbor workers, railroad workers
additional benefits to spouses of coal miners who die of black lung disease
$100,000 to spouse of any public safety officer killed in the line of duty
continuation of employer-sponsored health benefits
renewal and termination rights to spouse's copyrights on death of spouse
continued water rights of spouse in some circumstances
payment of wages and workers compensation benefits after worker death
making, revoking, and objecting to post-mortem anatomical gifts
Funny enough, if I had fallen for a man who had been born a woman and had his documentation changed (quite legal in some states), my relationship would still have been viewed as valid, at least legally. But what if the person I loved were legally female? It's happened before. I've been fully in love with women. If I chose to spend my life with a person who was legally female, I would be maligned as evil, the source of corruption in the world, a destroyer of families, a harbinger of the End Times, a challenge to the very fabric of American society. I would be wholly unprotected by the policies set out for spouses. I would be wholly unable to enjoy the benefits usually extended to stable partnerships. And why? Because of the sex of my partner.
This is quite hypothetical to me, really. But for many people, it is the lot they've been given. There are countless stories of people denied access to dying partners, denied survivorship benefits, denied access to estates, denied even the more basic things like joint tax returns. But here's the most basic thing of all. I can talk about my husband without people thinking I'm being overtly sexual. I can talk about my husband without people thinking I'm making a political statement. I can talk about my husband without people thinking that I'm attacking their religious beliefs. But I have done all these things. (Remember, atheists getting married doesn't glorify any gods.) So, if you do nothing else, if you refuse to vote for marriage equality, if you refuse to lobby Congress to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell, if you refuse to fight for gay families to be recognized as safe and healthy homes for children, at least do this one thing:
Awesome, awesome post!
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