On to some not so momentous things

I have an unhealthy obsession. I -adore- breakup songs. Like. I live for them. I play them on repeat. I love how they make me feel. I love that bittersweet freedom they embody. The torment mixed with failure mixed with the tiniest bit of hope. It's rather how I feel most of the time. Kinda jumbly and awkward and scared and sad and lonely and free and hopeful and misty.

Breakups remind us who we are. They're like waking up after a long dream that had started to be a little too real. They're like that weird, waiting-for-the-other-shoe feeling after a hurricane. Sometimes they even happen after hurricanes. *snickers*

No, I'm not breaking up. My marriage is... well, stronger than it ever has been. That may not be saying much for two moody and independent people, but there it is. No, there's nothing up in relationshipland, but, I still was drawn to discontinue my last.fm listening for the day in favor of listening to Ben Folds on youtube. Ah, youtube. You're like a jukebox of awesome and you're free!

Anyways, I'm not sure I was aware of the depth of this obsession before a friend introduced me to Folds. His amazing skill at expressing that exact feeling --also aptly described by the pointlessness felt in the face of blinding snowfall, a scene forever tied to his music because of the friend who so kindly introduced him-- teased it out and gave it a chance to bloom. Now I can't get enough. Couple years ago when he had an album full of them? Victory. It was like he wrote them just for me to enjoy. When I first heard it, naturally on NPR, I was lost on a viaduct (you know I didn't learn that word east of the Mississippi) on some road here in town I still am not sure I know where or why I was there... no, maybe it was looking for the location of the furniture dealer my boss wanted to buy a new chair from.

It's harder to indulge this obsession now, since I lost my inhumanly large music collection when my computer was stolen in our burglary last year (along with my brain,but that's a story for another post), but youtube helps in a pinch. It's so easy to hit that "play again" button. And do I ever. Now, if only youtube had subject tags for songs and I could just click through all the breakup songs without having to know who sang them...