It's Not About You

Infertility; loss; hell, breakups. They're all dreadful. As anyone can tell you, sometimes the nastiest part is when you think everything is fine and life decides to remind you of what you haven't thought about in a week, a month, a year.

The little girl and her daddy out to brunch on what is obviously an auspicious occasion. The picture your friend posts of a most memorable interaction with her growing baby. Yet another pregnancy announcement. The pretty wedding photos of people who are much happier and much more in love than you ever were.

Whatever your first feeling is, that is both normal and absolutely okay. It hurts to be reminded of what is absent. But don't dwell and don't perseverate on why did she post this when she knows what you're dealing with.

Take a breath.

It's not about you.

You are entitled to your feelings, and to sharing your pain. You are not entitled to dictate the joy others are permitted to experience or express.

Now, if he's really a jerk and refuses to listen when you need to talk, or she hasn't spoken to you since she got pregnant because you're too depressing, then respect yourself enough to find better friends. But if she listens and cries with you in your space, give her the same charity and leave her to celebrate in her space. Sometimes you can't join in that, and you don't have to.

But, when it feels like the world is rubbing it in in the worst way...

Take a breath.

Say it out loud if you need to.

It's not about you.

I'll be saying it, too.