It's been a long 6 weeks. I am halfway through my final internship and about to start the capstone paper (which will probably be much longer and more theoretical than the instructor wants). The work is exciting and fun and challenging and I think I'm making my supervisors happy. They tell me I am.
Home life is great, too. Well. I'm getting along with my family and feeling really comfortable in my marriage and yay! I feel really happy about who I am and what I can do and where I am in life. Really, genuinely content.
But I'm starting to notice some worrying signs. I have been having trouble with my appetite and I've been even more sleepy than usual for the last week. I've had more general body pain. I've had trouble getting work done. I'm even having trouble getting interested in getting into fights on the internet.
If you haven't caught on, these aren't good signs.
I'm going to try to make it outside for lunch--oh and actually take lunch instead of eating at my desk. And I need to talk to people more. Who knew getting sucked into work and being so busy I can't take a break would be worse than having time to wallow and obsess inside my own head?
Yeah. Depressed people "act" depressed. *eyeroll*
(I'm only still a little bitter about an offhand comment made by a professor last fall.)
I think this is resulting from the impending deadline of August 10 when I finish, graduate, and suddenly need an additional income. This job search is not going well and I'm already feeling highly defeated. As a result, I'm working obsessively. This is neither fixing the problem nor relieving the stress from it.
My only goal in life may truly be that someday people will look for me to fill a job rather than going through this foolish dance of convincing people that I am a better choice than what they think they want.
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